just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
