I CAN MOONWALK!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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