I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
