I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
