Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
