dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
