Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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