Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
