pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
