I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
