After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
