AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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