Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
