opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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