I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
