At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
