this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
