Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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