I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
