Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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