Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
