And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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