So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
