he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
