Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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