I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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