Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
