I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
