Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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