You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
