Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
