Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
