I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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