Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
