Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
