Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
