My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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