Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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