but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just threw up on my dentist
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
