i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
