What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
