her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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