I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
