Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
