wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
