why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
