remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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