she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
