I think I won the penis lottery.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
