a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
