Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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