i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
