i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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