sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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