she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
